The Job Interview

7 Oct

“Hello, I’m Oliver. I’m from Columbus Junction, Iowa. I’m applying for the position of Baby in Your Family… No, I don’t know my last name but I don’t think that should be much of a problem if I’m taking your last name, correct? Actually, Oliver isn’t written in stone.  If we came up with a mutually agreed-upon name, even if it was a little on the nick-namey side, it would be fine with me.

But nothing weird like Ashton or Jude.  Also, I’m not too crazy about the Whatever Junior thing because that doesn’t seem like it’s as much of an honor as, you know, a fully separate name.

I hope that doesn’t seem too bossy to you because I assure you that I plan to go through life on a pretty even keel.  Not fade into the woodwork, but not have to lead the parade all the time either. With that in mind I think Oliver suits me very well. Or we could change it.  I’m Swiss.  By that I mean neutral not… you know.  I think I might be German and something else…

I really am not sure how old… Uh, baby-ageish?  Something in the months, though because I know I’m healthy but my legs don’t feel strong enough to carry me, yet.  Ask me again when I’m two and I’ll have a more accurate  guestimate.

So, the basics.  I sleep through the night.  I gurgle. I like a bottle now and then.  I cry but I’m not inconsolable.  I like colors and moving things like the shadows of branches in the wind.  Not sure how smart I am but I’m confident that I’m not stupid. And that’s about it. So, you want me to roll over, drool and we can get this party started?”

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2 Responses to “The Job Interview”

  1. Sioux Steinkellner August 14, 2011 at 6:46 PM #

    Iabsolutely adored this—You are a wizard with words!!!! Love, Sioux

    • Sioux Steinkellner May 8, 2012 at 11:57 AM #

      THIS IS DEFINITELY IN THE TOP 5 OF YOUR GREETINGS, FOR ME. I LAUGH-CRY ENERT TIME I READ IT. LOVE, SIOUX

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