The Healing Arts

22 Oct

“Sorry, we’re all out of free astro charts.  Some punks stole them out of the back of my van. Kids, nowadays.  No respect for nothing. Cops? Pffff, they just laugh. Man, if somebody stole a thousand Bibles or Torahs you can bet it’d be on the news. Then they’d have to get off their donut butts and do a little CSI action.”

 Hey, I could give you half off on an Egyptian healing rod… Yeah, okay.  It works better for the Egyptos, anyway.  It has something to do with inner belief or archtectography of the cosmos.  I hear you got a kind of sniffle there.  How about some shakra realignment?  I can unplug the coffee pot and give you a quick zap of psychic empowerment.”

“…Oh, allergies.  Well, then no can do.  My license don’t cover that.  The wife’s our expert on allergic protocols.  And she’s on a healing sabbatical in Tibet or Reno.  I can’t remember which.  A shame you missed her.”

 “That little lady is a whiz with didgeridoo cauterization and spirit guidance to maximize your vibrational health, yadda yadda. Man, she can make your aura jump through hoops.”

“A world class clairvoyant. She’s channeled the spirit of Houdini like a bazillion times. We don’t like to publicize that.  Word gets out, crowds form and then your life is not your own.”

 “Dang, I don’t want you to go home with nothing, though.  Tell you what.  Use your cell. Call home.  Get your pet on the phone and I’ll read his vibes. Totally,  tell you what he’s unhappy about… Come on, ten bucks…Three?… Copacetic.”

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