How to Direct a Low Budget Xmas Children’s Show.

19 Nov

“Nice try everybody. The costumes are looking less home-made all the time. By Friday the audience is going to think that you are true blue Incas. That’s the Good Cop notes. Now for the Bad Cop:

Were you put on this earth to not only embarrass your hardworking parents, but also the entire school district? Are you in this school play because once people see you in it they’ll never expect anything out of you for the rest of your life?

I can’t hear the dialogue. …Yes, the dialogue stinks. But I don’t have time to fix it, because I have to run to the boys room to make sure all the slowpokes get back on stage in time to warily welcome the Conquistadores. And also that none of the Incas have toilet paper stuck to their crowns because they defied me and took them off before the end of the show.

The dialogue must be LOUDER. … Yes, like that, only LOUDER than that. Use your freakin’ outside voices.

If you have no lines, just act like you’re listening. Don’t fidget, pick your nose, giggle, fart, or wave the air under your nose because someone else farted.  If I catch you doing any of those things, I will fart on you for five minutes.  And it won’t be pretty because I’m a Vegan.

Okay, now let’s run it one more time.  And have fun.  That’s why it’s called a play.”


One Response to “How to Direct a Low Budget Xmas Children’s Show.”


  1. Tweets that mention Bad Cop « -- - November 19, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bill Steinkellner, Bill Steinkellner. Bill Steinkellner said: Bad Cop: […]

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