Paranormal Sightings and Men’s Beards

20 Dec

One day Uncle Dockweiler woke up to find an apparition of St. Dominic peeking out of his beard.  His wife of some fifty-three years, Clarice, looked up from her porridge and saw it. Her first response was to run screaming from the kitchen. Her second response was to never return. Uncle Dockweiler received a fairly newsy postcard from her that had a picture of the Winchester Mystery House  on it – but that was it.

So, Uncle D. was forced to withstand all of the unwanted attention alone. He made the front page of the Gentileschi Gazette. It was against his nature but he figured that was your obligation, when a miracle is sighted just below your chin. He allowed himself to be studied like a split-open frog.  For several weeks his beard became a must-see.  Among the hundreds who eye-balled him were a fair amount of clergymen, a handful of scientists, and two barbers.

Of course the day came when he would have to make a visit to the Holy Father himself. It irked Uncle Dockweiler that he had to cool his heels while the Pontiff blessed a troop of Webeloes. And he definitely became out-of-sorts when the powers-that-be in the Vatican had the nerve to say that the apparition looked more like a young chimpanzee than the leader of a holy order.

Eventually the novelty wore off.  The public became more enthralled by a chicken that clucked the Lord’s Prayer and a baby with a birthmark that was the spitting image of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Uncle D.’s  life returned to normal.  Except his wife never came back.  Whenever he had pie, he sure did miss her.

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