It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Christmys-tery

23 Dec


A crushed 1/2-gallon carton of eggnog with the entire ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas printed on the back.

Reindeer-prints on the roof, but none next to the house.

A half-smoked pack of Elf cigarettes (most popular brand of woodland creatures).

A white facial hair: Caucasian in origin, age indeterminate.

A large, empty bag with toy-sized dents in it.

A Joan Baez Christmas CD with the words “Eat fruitcake and die!” scrawled over Joan’s face.

An Entertainment Weekly with all 3,008 Christmas TV specials circled in red and green.

An ornately-wrapped present that can mysteriously be easily unwrapped by lifting the top off the box.

One very dead Douglas Fir (the man, not the tree. But also the tree the corpse was leaning against.  And it’s true the tree was also dead).

All of these, dumped into Sgt. Quinn Peggington’s lap.  It was going to be one hell of a Boxing Day.


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