What Your Wife Never Believes

4 Feb

That you are listening.

That you can go out and play a basketball game with total strangers, but must know exactly who is going to be at any social event who is any fun at all before you will put on itchy clothes and go.

That you can yawn without being bored at what she is saying.

That you are ready to go out to lunch 365 days a year, no matter how full the fridge is.

That you don’t forget things on purpose.

That you heard her the first time.

That you actually do know how to drive.

That you thought about writing something down before you didn’t write it down (a politician intending to vote for something and then voting against it makes perfect sense to husbands. That’s their story and they’re sticking to it).

That no matter how much you might want to change something in the past – even if that thing is extremely egregious, it will remain done by you. No amount of discussion on how stupid it was to do said thing will undo the heinous deed, act or occasion. It has been done by you forever.

That you can never modify your thinking about any of these things (sorry, that’s supposed to be on  the “what your husband believes” list).

That sports are that important.

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