The Soul Destroying Time of Madness (aka: A Vacation with the Family)

9 Feb

Please adhere to the following checklist (or add your own):

Engage in stupid argument while squeezing into overstuffed car.

Stop car shortly after inserting ignition key to retrieve one last thing from the house. Turn off car because the house key is on same ring.

Restart car and argument – or begin new one while still in driveway.

Experience mild anxiety that maybe you should have  left sooner. Anxiety increases and dovetails nicely with anger if driveway is blocked by cement truck or other obstacle provided by the owners who are building the taste-free mausoleum (AKA dream home) next door.

Experience increased anxiety over whether carry-on is too bulky and will need to be checked, thus defeating the purpose of bringing carry-on.

Toss and turn all night in the hotel bed (NOTE: be somewhat grateful that it doesn’t have stale Cheerios in it when you pull back the covers like that one time).

Get thirsty in middle of night and realize you have no orange juice in the little fridge unless you want to fork over $7.50 to the honor bar. Lean way over to drink from bathroom faucet if you can find it in the dark.

Be hungry at all the wrong times to eat at any place nice.  Or occasionally any place at all.

Finally eat at nice place.  Cancel order when you realize you don’t have enough time.  Truly regret that you didn’t eat more rolls and butter.

Have a really great time, deducting time spent forcing the kids to turn off hotel TV so you can leave the hotel, or monitoring fights over who should have which bed and why.

Get 98% of the way to airport for return flight before getting really, really lost.

Barely make plane. Prepare for turbulence.

Don’t forget the postcards.

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