Cheat Sheet Tips on Passing the Test for Good Husbands

15 Feb

The following is an instruction manual for the husband.  All husbands.  Without exception.  Proceed no further at your own peril. Slight modifications might be necessary in rare cases but I state this with tongue firmly in cheek. True, there are wedding vows but they are worth less than a pile of hay. That is the end of the introduction.  To the goods — post haste.

Upon awakening each day the husband should closely observe the demeanor of his help mate much as you would look out the window to observe the weather. Then he should adjust accordingly. Some days will be pleasant.  Others quite stormy. A husband who does not know the difference should have remained a bachelor. Those who are thoroughly unobservant often leave young widows.

Husbands should eat what is placed in front of them.  They should never praise other cooking especially their mothers. If there is a problem with the meal they should hire a cook or start banging around the pots and pans, themselves.

Husbands should be free and easy with their wifely compliments.  Think of the wind blowing dandelion puffs to the sky and beyond.  That is how liberal the husband should be with kind words concerning hair, smiles, demeanor and general all-around appearance and attitude. On Mother’s Day, Birthday, and The Anniversary the cornucopia of niceties should runneth over.

The husband should make as little bodily noise as possible.  He might think he is being manly, but he is in fact being repulsive.

Husbands should not dress like ninnies or asylum inmates. If they forget this they should not be surprised to feel the righteous lash of the connubial tongue.

Having a wife is a privilege not a right. Act accordingly  – or suffer the consequences.

Upon reading this, immediately buy your wife roses for no good reason.  She will know why.

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One Response to “Cheat Sheet Tips on Passing the Test for Good Husbands”

  1. Jamie February 18, 2011 at 12:17 PM #

    Ha!

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