A Curmudgeon’s Guide to Visitors in the New Millennium

18 Feb

We like to visit.  We don’t particularly like visitors. We like to leave when we say we have to go. With visitors they decide when the visit is over. You can hint, make excuses, note the lateness of the hour and even joke about kicking them out.  But there they will stay until they decide to go.

If they leave but return in a few minutes to tell you that their car won’t start?  Then you are really in the soup.  You have said your good-byes and have run out of things to say to one another. But you have to keep up the sham of civility when you’d rather read, see what you have tivoed or go to sleep.

While the visitors are there they are always asking for wine, coffee and diet Coke.  All things that you never have in your house.  Visitors insist on watching the Lakers/Thunder game or The Comeback with you.  But they never watch these at their house so you have to politely answer a lot of dumb questions.  Or you have to shoot dirty looks to a your off-spring who is making no bones about how dumb these questions are.

And if you have just bought some gourmet pistachios they will gobble them up, one, two, three…a thousand.

So, from our house to your house thanks for staying home.

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