The Concealed Weapons on Campus Soiree

25 Feb

“Howdy, Sorority Sisters, Frat Brothers and Unafilliateds to the First Annual Concealed Weapons on Campus Soiree. Boy, that’s a mouthful.  Now,we know it ain’t law yet, but we think we’re pretty damn close so we are going to at least dance about it.

Now in order to avoid some of the unpleasantness that went down last spring at our First Annual Marriage is Only Between a Man and a Woman Masquerade Ball we have come up with a list of advisements that will insure the peace, order and respect of our fine institution:

1. All firearms will be checked at the door or (and we advise this heartily) left at home.

2. Likker is to be imbibed in extremely moderate proportions – generally less than a pocketful (the big-bonedness of a gentleman should determine any amount over this). Remember, a likkered-up Dude is the worst judge of his own likkered-upness.

3. Horses are not to be ridden inside the Colonel Jim Bowie Grand Ballroom except in a fire emergency – and then only by an authorized Fire Marshall.

4. Ladies –  no matter how stunning or fetching – are not to be ravished without their express permission. In writing.  Please no forgeries.

5. Concealed weapons of the inordinate variety (antique guns, knives, clubs, walking sticks, folding chairs etc) are strictly forbidden once past the Sam Rayburn Vestibule.

6. Self-defense is rarely justifiable for murder, especially if it is a gun versus a folding-chair situation.

7. Have fun.  It’s a damn soiree!”

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One Response to “The Concealed Weapons on Campus Soiree”

  1. Liza April 15, 2013 at 10:46 AM #

    I wanna get likkered up and go this here soiree!

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