Who’s Killing the Great Toy Stores of America?

29 Mar

COSMIC WARNING: The following toy stores have been wiped off our planet.  Why?

Arnie’s Sharp Edges ‘n Stuff

War Toy Depot (“Huge Clearance Sale on U.N. soldiers and related equipment!  Don’t miss our flame-thrower demo!”)

Aunt Sheba’s Small Parts for Tiny Tots

Drive Mom and Dad Crazeeeeeeeeeee!

The Ninety-Nine Dollar Toys for Newborns Store (“Starbuck’s Adjacent!”)

Johnny G’s Government Condemned Surplus Toy Complex

I Love Lead Figurines Painted in Shanghai (Fully Authorized by  Red Chinese Officials)

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme for Girls and Boys

Toyz That Make Noyz for Boyz

Discontinued Toys and Novelties Fun Town and Bail Bonds (“Why make two stops when you can just make one?”)

Granny Grey Goose’s Playthings You Can’t Take to School

U-Put It Together Yourself Bargain Clown Circus (Formerly Ye Olde Unfinished Toy Shoppe)

Acres and Acres of Noisemakers

Bebe’s Crap for Kids

Mom’s You Could Put Your Eye Out Toddler Castle

Ahab’s E-Z Toys (“Ask about our  Kredit Kards for Kids!”)

Uncle Mike’s Santa Claus Gingerbread Cottage (Formerly Oxnard Mike’s Dew Drop Inn)

Troll ‘n Yo-yo Playtime Palace

Boogeyman’s Scare the Pants Off ‘Em and Be Up till Dawn Dealing with Nightmares Toy Emporium and Smoke Shop

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One Response to “Who’s Killing the Great Toy Stores of America?”

  1. Dan Frischman March 29, 2011 at 1:30 PM #

    OMG, that is funny! I laughed at every one of ’em.

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