Zap-Kaboom: The Amazing Hidden Powers of Marriage

5 Apr

The power to stop dating (casual-dating, blind-dating, speed-dating, computer-dating or dating of any kind with any race, creed, sexual orientation, or dubious national origin or financial ability is neither necessary, nor advised).

The power to have children without that annoying “tsk-tsk” taking place every time you leave a room.  Also no daily fights between your kids and the normal kids.  (Full disclosure: On my birth certificate there was a box the hospital put an X on  to say if you were legitimate or not.)

The power to have anniversaries each and every year, and to get applause if yours is the longest-lasting union in Letterman’s audience.  (Handy tip: Don’t forget to bring her along that night.)

The power to get that “filing taxes together” break, come April 15th.  Unless they changed that or maybe I just dreamt it.  I’m not a CPA so take this advice at your own risk.

The power to talk single people into getting hitched so you can dance at their wedding… I mean be as happy as you. (There is certainly a sizeable minority who might try to talk you out of it but they are probably just lousy dancers.)

The power to live longer than that poor single schmuck. Though, oddly single women live longest after the married guy.  It might be that married women lose a few years by having to bring back “a cold one” every time they leave the room.

So, my married compadre,  fist-bump those little golden circles on your ring fingers, and exult in the power of marriage. Not just on your anniversary – but every ding-dong day.


2 Responses to “Zap-Kaboom: The Amazing Hidden Powers of Marriage”

  1. Jamie April 5, 2011 at 10:51 AM #

    This made me smile. Thanks!

  2. Sioux Steinkellner March 21, 2012 at 6:01 PM #

    Lovely Post. Happy 30th Anniversary. Love from your -Best Man & Sioux. Your wedding was John’s first trip to California. 🙂

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