Who You Gonna Meet When You Get to Heaven … or Wherever?

26 Apr

“Gee, it’s terrific to see you, again, Ronnie.  I mean, Mr. President. I am so fired up being in your presence that I could eat your face.”

“Well, Howard that’s very kind of you to say.  And as my mother used to say — if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

“My Ma used to say – don’t give the bastards an inch.”

“Well, all women are a gift to mankind.  We owe them a debt of gratitude for getting us out of those caves to face the dinosaurs so we could start western civilization.”

“I hear ya, Ro– I mean Mr. President.  Say, we had some fun times with that Proposition 13 back in the day, huh?  The hell with all those phony baloney schools and education bushwa.  Let ’em haunt the local library like I did.  And if it’s closed the School of Hard Knocks is always open.  Am I right?  Them home owners got to keep their hard earned dollars so they could buy valuable stuff like garage door openers and lawn care products.  Say, why don’t you ever come to the Golden State to give speeches no more?

“Well, how do I put this?  I’m dead, deceased, passed on, beyond the veil of tears.”

“Sonofagun, I forgot.  How about a picture, then?”

“Those days are over for me.”

“I mean a photograph.”

“Oh, yes, of course.  Facing forward or looking at each other ecstatic to see one another, again?

“That second thing.  You know heaven is a lot hotter than you’d think.”

“Yes, it is, Howard.  It really is.”


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