How Extra-terrestrials Walk Among Us Undetected

28 Apr

What is it with the picture they take of your baby shortly after he/she is born?

Your child is a few minutes or hours old and – snap!  But your kid doesn’t even look like himself in pictures until the second day or after.  Some people look more like their baby pictures than others but nobody looks like that photo they take in the hospital on the first day.

I have been staring at this officially-taken-by-the-hospital photo 0f Teddy for a long time and it doesn’t look a bit like him.  My guess is they take this picture to avoid the possibility of ending up with the wrong baby when you leave (and believe me when it’s time to leave – they want you gone).

But this photo makes me think that we ended up with the wrong kid.  I guess I can see his nose there but why is his face all swollen?  Like his sisters, he didn’t have to get all squozed through the birth canal.  Now, I can tell he’s my kid because of his devotion to the Lakers and his smart aleckyness extraordinaire.  But who is this little guy from the first day?

My theory is that aliens (the Outer Space dudes) use the birth process to introduce their kind on earth.  Then, on the second day, they replace them with a normal human baby they’d kept stored in suspended animation somewhere (probably one of those caves near Osama bin Ladin’s).  Yes, I realize this theory has more holes than heads at a Birther convention – but still it does give one pause.  The other possibility is that the hospital picture is the human baby, the switch happens on day two, and we all unknowingly take home a little E.T. to feed, burp and buy endless Power Rangers crap for.

Thus, they walk among us, even in our own house.  In a little over a month Teddy will graduate from Stanford.  After I hug him in his cap and gown, I might whisper the phrase “Mother Ship”  – just to see if he flinches.


2 Responses to “How Extra-terrestrials Walk Among Us Undetected”

  1. richie April 28, 2011 at 10:32 AM #

    love the last line

  2. Jamie May 2, 2011 at 11:40 PM #

    Ok, this brought a huge smile to my face. And what a beautiful hospital picture! I look more like an alien than that.

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