Middle Eastern Girl Gone Wild

5 May

This story once appeared in the Santa Barbara Independent in a slightly different form.

Animal spirits had been building up in her during the Arab Spring what with all those Iron Men falling like dominoes but when they slipped Osama into the deep blue sea she threw off her burka and was ready to “par-tay bay-bay.” She was shaking her booty to Ziggy Marley and didn’t care who knew it.  She was headed to the mall and didn’t need “no jive muscle head — family or no family– to keep her company”.

She was going to grab herself a Reppo music backpack and fill it full of blu-ray, 3-D crap of all kinds.  She was going to toss it into her Range Rover with satellite radio, surround sound and factory installed mini-fridge.  She was going to enter the address of Malibu High into the GPS and never look back.

She was going to twist her hair into a pony tail and stick it out the back of an NYPD baseball cap.  She’d open the moon roof and let her thick long black hair blow in the desert breeze.  And if one of those creepy Al Queda dudes crossed her path she was going to run right over his sorry ass ne0-Nazi head.

She was going to grab a couple of Pop Tarts and diet Mountain Dew and say “buh-bye” to all the rock and rubble.  She was going to have her own dance reality show called Dance or Die, Losers!  She was going to do everything from the Dougie to the old school Moonwalk.  And then she’d make up a few of her own that would be a kind of Calypso/Free style/ Funk/ Belly Dance Fusion.

She was going to find the right guy and have a ton of kids.  And she’d teach each and every one of them (but especially the girls) that they should never give up their dreams.  Because even in the middle of nowhere miracles happen.


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