How to Make Ten Million ($10,000,000) Dollars Using Paint and Chutzpah.

6 May

Yeah, it’s a helluva thing.  I mean look at this monster.  It’s explodin’ with beauty, don’tcha think? I mean – Christ (no pun intended) – step back and take a good look at this bad boy. Kachoo-kachang, that is a Mac-truck full of effort.  It’d be cool to get shot out of a cannon right-damn-face-first into Jesus and just die. 

I know I should be all humble-mumble and say I’m God’s tool and all that.  But you could call yourself God’s whatever until the cows come home, you’d never end up with this phantasmagoria in paint that’s staring you smack in the kisser, right here. If you went 15 rounds with the heavyweight champeen o’ the world and he smashed you in the mouth,  you would not experience the force of this baby smashing you in your soul. Zooks!

But, I digress.  I get my ideas by hanging around cathedrals, or maybe flipping through art books to see what some whacked-out wunderkind came up with during the glory years, capice?  Then I just start at one edge and go all sketch-crazy.  I put saints ‘n’ prophets and angels in there all willy-nilly. Sometimes I get a little lost and have to make up a game where I connect St. Jerome to the Bishop of Hippolyta or some crap.  You know, for spatial coherence? Then if there’s still room I’ll stick in an ecclesiastical thingie of some kind.  For giggles, I might use some satanic geegaw. If I was at some muckety muck dinner the night before I make Saint Margaret look like the fox I was seated next to.  Or as a joke, if there are some naughty whispers about one of the local eye-candies I’ll use her as a model for the Virgin Mary. 

… Ten million taters, my friend. … No, that’s pretty firm. I’m an artist, you cheap meatball,


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