The Rapture is Upon Us. Are You Going to Call in Sick?

19 May

“I had just signed up to be Room Mom this year.  I had totally organized the Halloween Party, the Valentine’s Day crafts and I was well on my way to coordinating the popular but tricky D.C. Wash. trip. Not the kids- – the parents!  Who recently split up?  Who has step children? Who’s the stick in the mud and who likes to party?  … But then I found out about the imminent Rapture.  Now, it just seems dumb to put all that time in if it’s just going to be ruined by airplanes falling out of the sky and legendary beasts roaming the earth.”

“I didn’t do my homework because I’m pretty sure that was a pre-Rapture tingle running up my spine.”

“I was on a ton of committees doing what I thought was society healing work but then I got the news that the Rapture was upon us.  I quit those committees dead cold.  What’s the point when the whole kit and caboodle is about to come down around our ears?  I was thinking of forming a Rapture committee but I don’t want to be in the middle of making a phone tree when the Almighty comes a’knocking.”

“I had just signed a deal with Judd Apatow to produce my screenplay, Altar Boys: Road Trip to Oblivion when one of his gofers tweeted me about the impending Rapture.  I ash canned that script and started spit-balling ideas for some You-tubes that unironically praise God.”

“Hell, or high water there is going to be a new postcard story on Greetings from Bill Monday through Friday… Are those unicorns grazing in the Trader Joe’s parking lot?”

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One Response to “The Rapture is Upon Us. Are You Going to Call in Sick?”

  1. SiouxP April 10, 2012 at 3:44 AM #

    Very funny–I’d like to have seen that altar boy script, though. Sioux

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