How an International Star Who has 1,000,000 Twitter Followers in Hamburg Alone Says He’s Sorry.

25 May

“I  am here to make apology.  To show you that H. Bachmann is a big a Mann — see how I make the jest?  I make the joke all the time.  Many is the night where I wake up with tears of laughter on myself from something that popped out of my mouth during rehearsal. What could the Great Bachman be sorry about?  I will tell you in short understandable words. Or words at least.  In Deutsch this would be perfect. Vershtay?  I almost said verstankern. That’s how upset I be.”

“So, I feel bad that I have not been as clear as the mountain stream where I idled during my youth.  We discussed this funny project from you five years ago.  I had different thoughts since then.  But I was like the Sphinx because I do not want to stop your creative flow. Now time is like clock money so we get to it, jah?”

“Here is how to make H. Bachmann happy.  If I like new jokes I will nod. If I don’t I will make a very stern face. No nod don’t try to sell idea to me, again. Ever.  Just change. The words, the characters, the time of day, the setting, or maybe the number of syllables for the words.  Then give to me, again.  No nod?  Do over.  Keep changing. Change until you cry or blood bursts from your eyes.  Change till you want to throw yourself off a cliff.  At the bottom of the cliff crawl breathless and near death to notepad and write new funny, funny, funny.”

“I apologize again for not being most clear about process. Why are you standing there like a stunned bull in an abattoir? I didn’t nod.”


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