Tarot Cards: Your Map to Health, Wealth and Happiness

6 Jun

1) Never go to a dealer/interpreter of the Tarot who doesn’t smile.  He will always give you a bummer of a reading. Tarot cards in general are about as far from the smiley-face button as you can get.  The pictures are pretty gloomy with swords that multiply faster than rabbits.  The swords are often stuck in hearts or or wielded by blindfolded people.  In the world of Tarot, it seems to be good form to give nasty weapons to those who have chosen not to see.

2) Always go to a sweetly smiling (but not to the point of creepiness) interpreter. The images will be consistently upsetting, so your guide should not be. An understanding guide will tell you things look good even if to the naked eye they look like a medieval rave gone ballistic (the non-smiling guide will not reassure you at all.  She will sense where all your buttons are and push them.  Possibly, even with a sword).

3) Feel free to  protest a negative interpretation of what is laid out before you – unless it is some minor character defect you can easily repair by getting a haircut or waking up ten minutes earlier each day (not a bad idea, as you’ll gain an hour each week and who can’t use the extra time?).

4) Profusely compliment the artist who created the Tarot deck being read.  From the general tone of the pictures, it’s a good idea not to get on the bad side of this dude.

5) If the reading is going against you, fling the evil card into your guide’s face.  Jump up and knock over table, upsetting all cards, including the Hermit, the Wheel of Fortune, the Nine of Swords, the bajillion of swords, the Hanged Man — the whole shebang. And don’t look back.  Good luck – and as always watch out for Death.

6) Don’t forget to tip.  You can stiff a waiter but never your Tarot guide.

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