The Six Most Important Things to Know About Sitting Near an Alligator Wrestling Pit

21 Jun

Do not make inadvertent chicken noises, especially if dressed in pale marabou.

Do not run across the staging area sans clothing.  Even if it is part of a fraternity hazing.  Even if you are guaranteed that it is “cool with the management and a fun part of the show”. Even if all the other pledges are already down to their skivies and have one foot over the restraining wall.

Leave any purse, wallet, belt or shoes at the front gate if they have been made out of alligator skin. Alligators protect their own. Unlike humans they can tell each other apart. And they have notoriously long memories when it comes to the demise of loved ones.

Don’t dangle your children over the wall as a joke to “scare” them. We have a whole bunch of traumatized kids in a storage shed near the back fence that some thoughtless parents haven’t bothered to retrieve for some months.  ’nuff said.

Don’t yell taunting anti-‘gator remarks at the performers. Alligators aren’t stupid, you know? (And we weren’t able to build the wall, that you are resting your ‘Gator Slurpeez on, as high as we had wanted to.  We are pretty sure that the beasts don’t have the ability to leap that high and snap their jaws at the same time  But heck better to be safe than armless.

That smell is exactly what you think it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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