How to Take the Perfect Baby Picture.

27 Jun

The front of this card reads: “This is Baby Ernest G. Green. Taken September 7, 1908.  It was taken outdoors and the sun shone on one of his eyes and spoilt it. — Edith Green”

“This way, Honey.  Baby Ernest, look at the camera.  Look at the nice man with the camera. No, this way. This way. This way. Big smile for the camera.

Let’s see your pretty teeth. Ernest has pretty teeth. Show the camera your teeth. Big smile.  Lots of teeth. Teethy, teethy, teethy…

…No, it can’t hurt you. The camera doesn’t have teethies.  Baby Ernest has teethies.  Show the camera your teethies…

No, no spitties, Baby.  The camera doesn’t like spitties. The camera wants you to put your tongue back in your mouth. No tonguey.  No spitties. Big smile.

Almost done. No, no, Baby Ernest sits.  No getting out. Later we’ll get out. Sit and smile. Good boy. Good sittie boy. Ernest likes to sit. Yes, he does.  No hand in mouthie, Baby.  No hand. No hand. Hand all gone. Goody goodest boy.

Almost done. Smile at the puppet. Big smile. Sit. Big smile. Look at the smiley puppet. Hand down. Both hands down. Smile.

Big smile then yummy ice cream. No, no ‘screamy, yet. ‘Screamy when you sit and smile. ‘Screamy in a second. No cries, Angel Pants. One big smile then ‘screamy. Good boy. Sit. Sit, now. Almost there. …Shoot-shoot. Good boy.  Goodest boy.

Got it!

Here’s ‘screamy for Baby Ernest. Goody gumdrops, goodest boy.

Well, I think that’s going to turn out just peachy.”

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