The Tiny Mistake of the Heart That’s the Cause of the Debt Crisis?

1 Aug

Note: This is the 14th semi-annual report of the Masonic Savings and Loan Bank circa 1876. I like to think that this whole 14 trillion dollar national debt can be traced back to the incident contained in this story.

“Gentlemen, (And one lady, Mrs. Harriet Weatherbee, the widow of former Board of Directors Colonel Eustis H. Weatherbee.) it is my profound duty to deliver our semi-annual report.  Up until now this has been an honor and a privilege. Our institution’s future  was as solid as the gold standard itself.”

“However, due to some irregularities, the outlook has turned considerably bleaker. I could dazzle you with debit figures, fluctuations in market conditions and prevailing headwinds of monetary change.  In short the old “song and dance”. But after all that folderol and snapdoodle of modern economics we would still have to deal with the bottom line.”

“The Masonic Savings and Loan is about to go bust. Belly up. Caput. Good-night, Irene. I wish this were not the case but it is.  I wish it were not my fault but it is.”

“Four months ago, following the passing of my beloved Edwina, faithful wife of over forty years, I happened upon a young skirt by the name of Molly Kittredge. In less than 122 days I gave this woman my heart and as it turns out — some … and this is just a rough estimate even with all my years of working with figures… of ummmm… this is just ballpark  but possibly $1,746,216 dollars and 74 cents.  And what’s worse I haven’t seen the money or Miss Kittredge for over a week.

This being the sum total of our reserves I feel confident to say that we are flat broke. As President, I take full responsibility.  I regret any inconvenience this may cause one and all… Ice cold  Lemonade?”




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