The Best Unsolicited Advice You’ll Ever Get.

4 Aug

Leave your hair the hell alone.

Never fight a parking ticket.

Don’t get between a man and another man if one of the men thinks the other is his true love. (There’s a good chance this applies to any combination of the sexes.)

Have at least a little more patience than a cat climbing up the kitchen screen door trying to get in.

Never take a kitten as a gift.

Don’t get a pet if you already have children.

Hold off getting a pet for the kids as long as possible. Remember the only way to get rid of a pet without a pang of consciousness is through the good graces of a neighborhood coyote.

Don’t look down at your welcome mat until after you’ve had breakfast.

The furniture (in spite of all the backbreaking supervision by your spouse) rarely looks better in the new configuration.

Cooking may be over rated but eating never is.

Living rooms are pointless.

Food tastes exactly the same off someone else’s plate and once you have snatched something you are left with a disgruntled table mate.

Before naming your baby try yelling this perfectly exotic name across the neighborhood school yard at lunch time.

Don’t work with first-time directors unless your actors are in pre-school.

In lieu of giving advice practice being unable to hear the question or wildly running off without commenting.

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One Response to “The Best Unsolicited Advice You’ll Ever Get.”

  1. wrwoodard6 August 7, 2011 at 10:46 AM #

    From the immortal Mike Gerken of Dos Pueblos High: never fry bacon bare-chested

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