Running for the Presidency in 30,012.

18 Aug

“It pains me greatly to have to engage in this war of words and squarks with my opponent. I grieve that he has to stoop to throwing mud at me.  Mud that consists of innuendo, slurs and yes even dwarf star residue.”

HE PAUSES FOR A SIP OF LIQUIFIED METHANE.

“First his quote that he welcomes the voters with’ open arms’. This is a rather heavy handed reference that unlike him I have tentacles as well as arms, though I use both interchangeably. ”

“And let me be crystal clear about my tentacles. They can still hold a baby as securely as any arms. They can point the Large Magellanic Cloud Galaxy in the direction of prosperity as well as any arms.  And they can be raised in exaltation when our glorious victory comes on November 7th better than any arms.”

HE RAISES HIS TENTACLES IN THE GALAXY SALUTE AS  TWO TRILLION CITIZENS ALMOST PIERCE THE PLAS-MOBIUS-DOME WITH THEIR JOYOUS SHRIEKING.

“Now, as to my opponent’s frivolous charges of a mass murder and genocidal urges visited  by me upon the Glooges of the Eta Carina Nebula. I say first of all that it was youthful exuberance on my part. Besides, the Glooges have never, to my knowledge, been granted Super Special Higher Species status. If so, it was not true at the time of my well intentioned zealousness.”

“Since that time, of course, no one has fought harder to have their entire population officially reevaluated. God willing, I will have the power to reverse that travesty after the election.”

“Finally, as to the salacious insult that I am taking bribes disguised as donations.  Harumph, I reply. I do not take bribes, now. I did not solicit bribes in the past. And if I did, I did not know they were bribes. I thought they were some kind of legal non-bribe thing.  I thank you. God bless you and God bless the Magellanic Cloud- Milky Way Galactic Republic!” 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: