A Small List of Things That Are Warmer Than John Boehner

17 Oct

The wind cutting through your thin army coat as you try to cross a bridge on the Chicago River in the dead of February.

The ice cube tray that sticks to your fingers when you remove it from the freezer compartment.

Buffalo, New York in the middle of an ice storm.

Dracula’s breath just before breakfast.

A spilled Slushy on the floor of a revival house.

A pat on the back from Vladimir Putin.

A three week old, sooty, disgusting Chicago snowdrift.

The corpse in a hard boiled 1940’s film noir.

The same corpse in real life.

The sadistic smile of the bad guy in Die Hard.

The lowest point of the deepest crater on the dark side of the moon.

The back of a king cobra’s throat.

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2 Responses to “A Small List of Things That Are Warmer Than John Boehner”

  1. Grant Harvey October 17, 2011 at 3:52 PM #

    love it.

  2. ottobruno October 26, 2011 at 3:30 PM #

    Why insult a warm, cuddly cobra by comparing him to John Boehner?

    Great list.

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