Sometimes the Best Dramatic Monologs Are in the Audience.

8 Nov

“Now, I had to remind many of you of appropriate bus behavior on our way here. On the way back I assured Mr. Yapp that you’d be gold star good… Why are you laughing?…No, Yapp is not a funny name it is a perfectly normal name, so stop.”

“That’s better. Anywho, we now come to the next phase of our field trip, the theater! How many have been to a real theater before?… No, movies don’t count. Not even Puss in Boots… No, not even Saw IV, whatever that is.”

“This is the live theater. It’s called Live Theater because we will see live people singing and dancing on the stage… No,there is no such thing as Dead Theater… Yes, well I’m sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I’m sure she’s in a better place.”

“Now, when the actors come out let’s give them our full attention. They work hard for little money… Yes, much like teachers. Very good, Justin. To show them how much we like the play we will be as silent as a statue. You can whisper if you absolutely have to.”

“No one goes to the bathroom until intermission… There should be no emergencies… Okay only if there is an emergency-emergency-emergency that would result in an embarrassing situation for you for the rest of trip… You know what I mean… No, I’m not going to say it. All right, stop.”

“No gum chewing during the performance. If, by magic, gum jumps into your mouth and your teeth go up and down, don’t stick the gum under the seat. Put it in a piece of notebook paper and dispose of it later.”

“No turning around. No punching or fighting for the space on the armrests. No inappropriate noises. It is customary to clap at the end of the show… Why is clap a funny word?”

HYSTERICAL SCREAMING CRESCENDOES AS THE LIGHTS DIM.

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One Response to “Sometimes the Best Dramatic Monologs Are in the Audience.”

  1. Sioux November 9, 2011 at 8:05 PM #

    Terrific—you just get better and better. Maybe it’s time for Postcards from the Moon, volume 2? LOL. Sioux

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