What You Might Hear If You Don’t Have Earbuds On

15 Nov

That nagging voice inside you, finally tiring of being ignored for years, is magically transformed into a strange figure smelling faintly of caraway seeds. He draws close to your side and speaks in a low voice.

“Your husband is a piffle, a puffball, an enigma with a candy coated outside. Is this the ninny you want to leave in your place if, God forbid, you are hit by an asteroid or something? You are partner sure, but come on you do the heavy lifting.”

“You rely on him for what? Cleaning the cat box, unplugging the toilet, recycling and removing dead critters from the welcome mat. Remember the time he stomped up and down in the overflowing recycling container, not realizing that it was on wheels so he almost knocked himself out?”

“He never checks the calendar of family events. The messages he takes are written in hieroglyphics.
And what’s with this hoodie shtick? Did he become an NFL coach without telling you?”

“As for his other clothes he has no idea of what goes with what. Color, pattern and style are vast mysteries to him. I feel sorry for you if you have to take him anywhere.”

“Seriously. Financial whiz? Good driver? Street smarts? Is he adept at anything besides jokes? Am I missing something? What is there about him that makes it anything but a lose/lose situation for you? Anything? Anything? ”

“He seems a lot better than any of the guys my friends married.”

“Well, you got me there.”

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One Response to “What You Might Hear If You Don’t Have Earbuds On”

  1. Sioux November 15, 2011 at 7:54 PM #

    Very funny–really enjoyed this. Lol, Sioux

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