Nixon: A One Man Apology –Written by Bill Steinkellner

21 Feb

“My fellow Americans, distinguished guests and Team Steinkellner. I’d especially like to shout out to little Emma.
She probably read about me in World History. I am all over them history books as the kids like to say…”

“I wish I had a little better recollection of when I died but if you think the brain bucket is faulty now, well you just wait. At any rate it’s good to have you all here. To paraphrase an old joke — when you’re dead it’s good to be anywhere.”

“Well let’s get to it. The reason all of Team Steinkellner is here. Originally it was just going to be them but I’ve got a bit of ham in me and I felt it was an opportunity to be in front of a crowd one more time. So, here goes– I’d like to apologize to Bill Steinkellner and the rest of Team Steinkellner for trying to send him to Viet Nam and possibly jeopardizing all of their existences.”

“Now, I assure you that it was not personal. Heck, I sent a lot of young guys. Had to be done. Honor of America, domino theory and all that. It’s right there in the textbooks. Those books are a lot prettier, nowadays… and they sure show a lot of movies…but I digress.”

“No thanks to me but your Dad had that 2-S college deferment going for him plus as it turns out a pretty high draft number so as the great Bard said alls well that… whatever.”

“Plus, that was really LBJ’s war. I was just trying to disengage with honor. Well, glad to get that off my chest. … And for the record– we’re going to keep Checkers…sorry brain fart! Though, truth to tell, Checkers went right to doggie heaven while I have to sweat it out in Purgatory for the next 300,000 years… Oh, shoot I think that’s supposed to be a secret… Well, sorry and thank you. God bless you and God bless America!”

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One Response to “Nixon: A One Man Apology –Written by Bill Steinkellner”

  1. SiouxP February 24, 2012 at 8:37 PM #

    Good for Checkers! Long time since I’ve thought @ “Tricky Dick”. Fun post. Thank God you didn’t get drafted. Sioux. 🙂

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