The Brain: A Proposed Chapter for the New Tennessee High School Biology Textbook

16 Apr

A Brain is the size and color of the meat loaf made by Skeeter’s Steakhouse– the one that’s midway ‘tween the airport and downtown Jasper– not the other Skeeter’s that place burned down due to curious circumstances some time back. (If they made meatloaf which they don’t. Also, avoid their soup. It’s wretched.)

A Brain is capable of many and prodigious feats most of which come under the main heading of thinking.Thinking is a mysterious phenomenon even to this day. (Though, it’s possible that may have changed since publication of this book. I lost my cable, yesterday due to adverse weather.) However, we do guess that thinking somehow involves the firing of low level sparks.

Messages are sent in this manner and received by the synapses. So, basically thinkingis a low level conversation that it is having with itself.

Sometimes, this conversation accelerates uncontrollably. This is called the racing of the brain. Jews and ex-Catholics are the most likely sufferers of this malady.

The brain should hum along happily for many years until it eventually deteriorates. But by then the rest of the body is pretty shot so it is no big deal.

To assure optimum service care should be taken. Keep the brain dry, away from direct sunlight and never allow it to be transplanted.

Warning: None of the information stated here should be taken as supportive of the Theory of Evolution in any way whatsoever.

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