The Non-Trophy Events of Our Times

29 May

Taking grief from the sales clerk that rightfully belongs to her previous customer.

Not screaming out loud when the Captain announces (in that ubiquitous southern drawl) that the plane is A) 19th in line to take off, B) Delayed for another 45 minutes because they can’t locate the mumble mumble necessary paperwork for the repair that was made 30 minutes ago, C) that we can’t land in the next hour because their is some bad weather five hundred miles away from where we are right, now.

Staying totally silent while being dressed down for humiliating somebody who is related to you by blood.

Spilling something on your shirt while you are out on the one day of the week you felt like wearing white.

Driving all the way to the vet to get the only kind of food your dog’s delicate tummy can keep down on the one day of the week the office is closed.

Coaching the 5th grade basketball “B” teams composed of all the players who didn’t get picked for the “A” team. This guarantees that your team will get whupped by everybody else’s “A” team. Which means you will be winless at the end of the season because nobody else has a “B” team. (Slight bonus there is no greater thrill for a man than to be called “Coach”. Deserved or not.)

Donating blood. (Though, instead of trophies they do give you coupons for free pizza, ice cream and movie tickets.)

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