How to Graciously Accept Applause From Polite Smattering to Standing Ovation

21 Jun

“Please cease and desist with the chatter in the back row! And if you are going to smirk it would be polite to smirk to yourself. Just know that it just makes you look as if you have one foot in the loony bin as my dear Mother used to say.”

… “Fine, I’ll wait until it is still-born quiet in here. My sardines and cracker snack will be at room temperature one way or the other… Good.”

“Now, as to the Final Bow AKA The Most Important Moment in Show Business. The moment that separates The Star from the Wretch Who Comes in Weekly to Clean the Box Office Window.”

“Every final bow in every show from our show to the first Reenactment of the Wooly Mammoth Hunt is different. But they are all crucial.”

“You will take your cue from Father Christmas. He is in the center which makes for easy visual contact. And since this production is The Adventures of Father Christmas it also makes excellent thematic sense.”

“Furry Man and Lady Hoops if you are experiencing costume difficulties you may start your bow a micro second earlier than Father Christmas if needs be. Everyone else must bow exactly after Fagin… I mean Father Christmas has begun to bend. This bow should be as if an iron bar connected you all. If it helps imagine that you are an ear of corn being buttered in one of those new fangled rotisseries.”

“People in the back row, be mindful of the fans on sticks and feathered thingies. They can be highly distracting. If you aren’t in control of your costume the audience will be focused entirely on all the frou frou waving about and will miss 3/4 of the final bow.”

“And I think it bears repeating– don’t knock down any more scenery. Curtain in one hour. So, break your one, two, …sixteen… one hundred and four legs!”

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