Running for The Most Powerful Man on Earth: Old School Edition

9 Aug

He didn’t have to go to one stupid, rubber-chicken-eating fund-raiser after another.

He didn’t have to press the flesh with a bunch of no-name nobodies in ill fitting suits and bad toups just to beg them to cough up fifty bucks.

He didn’t have to balance on the fence between two opposing opinions neither of which he cared one fig about.

He didn’t have to smile or look thoughtful 24/7 instead of yelling, crying, kicking or almost falling asleep during his intro in Godforsaken Wherever.

He didn’t have to lie through is teeth about every subject under the sun. And when he got caught in a really horrendous whopper he didn’t have to claim that his opponent was obviously a communist/racist/Islamic Radical or BFF of Donald Trump in order to divert the attention.

He didn’t have to trot out his children like a bunch of vaguely antiseptic dancing marionettes and hope to God that they didn’t somehow have a spontaneous moment of honesty that was caught on someone’s I-phone camera and gone viral before the next news cycle.

He didn’t have to appear more honest, loyal, considerate, thrifty, visionary, and soul searching than Jesus Christ on his best day.

No sir all that that old school leader had to do was dress up in a gaudy uniform and slaughter all of his homeland’s enemies or die trying.

Ah, simpler times.

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