Everything You Need to Know About Dogs

20 Aug

Dogs can’t fly. (Unless they are in baggage by virtue of some astronomical fee or snuck in at the bottom of someone’s big carry-on purse.)

Dogs can’t stop whining as soon as the sun peeks its little head up in the morning.

Dogs can’t leave the house if they aren’t on a leash or they will get into a whole peck of trouble.

Dogs can’t stand still for even a second once Eva gets ready to go have her lunch.

Dogs can’t go to the bathroom very fast when they get up at the crack of what will soon be dawn even if it was their idea to get up in the first place.

Dogs can’t not bark incessantly if you leave them by themselves even for a second.
Even if you are merely out of sight and really still in the same room with them.

Dogs can’t sit on command once they are past the age of 13. (Especially if they never have up to this point.)

Dogs can’t resist the back end of another dog even if that dog snarls at them.

Dogs can’t chew a bone if another dog (even a good personal friend that he practically has a bro-mance with) is
within eyesight, earsight or smellsight.

Dogs can’t act as if they love their owners (AKA suckers who pay the bills) if other people are around.

Dogs can’t jump on the bed if they are momentarily leashed to the rocker. (No matter how many times in a row that they try.)

Dogs can’t write postcard stories but they can inspire them.

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