The Forty Year Revenge of the Man Whose Name is Never Spelled Correctly

2 Jun

I graduated forty years ago this month from the U. Of Illinois (Chicago campus). In that time I have come to believe two things.  They have no idea about my career since I graduated and they absolutely do not know how to spell my name.  This is my reverse Valentine to them.


Dear Alumni,

UIC (Formerly the University of Illinois @ Chicago Circle.  Actually that @ was really just the word at but we are trying to show that we were at the cutting edge of the dot com curve when at the time we just had no idea.) But we digress.. UIC has embarked upon a new program where we inform our alumni about some of our most successful alumni.  This is not a begging letter. (Though as a college grad you must realize how frightfully expensive education has become.  Far more than than the $300 a semester that you paid.  That can’t be right. Can it?  We have a bet riding on it.)

A letter cleverly asking for $$$ this certainly is not. Rather it is a progress report, a shouting to the rooftops if you will about some of the alumni who are adjacent to you in the alphabet.  People like Bill Steinkellnerd who (in spite of his unfortunate last syllable) has turned his diploma into comedy gold with his emmy awards, People’s Choice and Golden Globe.  Or Bill St. Einkellner who received such rave reviews for Disney’s Teacher’s Pet from the New York Times and other newspapers we’ve heard of. That movie must have gone on to great box office success. (We wouldn’t know.  We never keep track.  It’s not like we want money from you or any other alumni.) Or the very renowned Wiliam Stinkliner, a Tony nominee this year no less.  (His name has been linked with Alan Menken’s.  Now there’s a guy we would kill to have as a commencement speaker.)

But take heart, Mr. S. we at UIC feel that one day soon your career will blossom like theirs. Now that we remembered you, when the time comes please don’t forget us.                                                                                                       $$$,

Your pals at UIC (Formerly the University of yadda, yadda, yadda.)




One Response to “The Forty Year Revenge of the Man Whose Name is Never Spelled Correctly”

  1. Jamie June 4, 2011 at 11:15 AM #

    I didn’t know you were up for a Tony. Sweet!
    And shame on those jerks. UCSB tries to hit me up for $ all the time, but they aren’t as clueless.

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